make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
