i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
