I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
