We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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