AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
