How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
