Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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