I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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