btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
