The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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