I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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