Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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