I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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