I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
