operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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