i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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