i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize