i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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