Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
