I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
