If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
