i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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