Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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