I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
