I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
