Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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