physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
