i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
