I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
even my farts smell like vagina
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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