Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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