i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
