but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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