ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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