I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she smelled like a LAN party
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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