...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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