Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can't turn off my feet"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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