It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
