I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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