I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize