Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
