After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm getting married
To pizza
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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