Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
