i barfeds in our rink
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
