At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
