he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
