i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
