her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
