he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize