Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
