I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
