I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
