I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
