This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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