Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
