Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
