i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
