wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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