how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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