hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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