so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize