i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
