I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
