he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
