no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize