don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
